#as if i couldn't relate to kabru even more holy shit

[starbberryblue]

oh. oh wow.

I really appreciate the PTSD representation of Kabru Dungeon Meshi because very often traumatized characters end up leaning heavily into the "flight" portion of "fight or flight" but the reality is, many of us get pissed off when we're scared, or have the urge to hit back when we're triggered. It's easy to understand why: a scared person is easy to empathize with. An angry person--a violent person--is less so.

I have PTSD and it's taken a long time for me to get comfortable with the anger that wells up when I'm afraid. Like Kabru, when I get triggered, there's an immediate wash of, I'm going to fucking kill them.

Like Kabru, I never act on this impulse. It's just there in my brain, trying to take control, so it can protect me.

When Kabru is triggered and thinks, desperately, Maybe I should kill him! in order to avoid eating monsters, the scene is played for laughs. But under the inherent comedy of the moment (which I can recognize even if I can't make myself laugh along) is the reality that Kabru is deeply traumatized and is trying to manage his emotions so he doesn't endanger his relationships. For Kabru, a character built to maneuver with ease around the social interactions of humanoids (using the DnD term here), his past is not just a justification for his desire to close the dungeon; it's not just a way to create tension with Laios; it's not just an avenue for him to connect with the Canaries. Kabru's past and his lack of coping with it actively sabotages his relationships and even puts him at renewed risk, just like real PTSD! And I just think that's neat! sob.